I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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