why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
