hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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