I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
