areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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