i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
