i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
