Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
