I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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