you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
