margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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