his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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