So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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