You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
