Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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