You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
