Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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