I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
