remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Oh god it's open bar.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
