If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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