my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
