I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
