I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
