last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She bit a glass in half.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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