Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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