awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
