Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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