It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
