you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
