STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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