If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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