did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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