my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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