it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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