I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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