i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
