I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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