So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
