what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
