Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
