please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
