So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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