Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
