After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
