I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
