is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
