Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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