Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
