My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
