his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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