when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
