I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
