how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
