Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
