Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Drunk is not a location!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
