I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
