Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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