when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
