"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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