My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
